Defining Moments

Most of my life has been defined by things that happened before I had a say in how things happened. I was born to an unwed teen hippie mother, with a man listed on my birth certificate who wasn't my father. When my mother died at the age of 19, I was officially an orphan and raised in the State of Maine foster care system. Fortunately, I was raised for most of my childhood by one family who took me in as their own. The month I turned 18, my grandmother died-leaving me the last living member of my birth family. These facts of my life dictated many decisions I made as a young adult: I couldn't wait to be a Mom, so I married the first man I met who also was ready to start a family. In my early 20's I became a mom to three little boys in close succession: John, Cameron and Logan. I was happier than I'd ever been in my entire life.
 
Unfortunately, the marriage to my children's father didn't work out-I became another statistic being a single mother. I got through each day knowing that "bedtime would come!"; and I somehow got through days of three kids with the stomach flu, three kids' homework, each child's individual needs-all by myself. I finished my college degree and started my professional career at 33 years old. That is when I started juggling three kids needs with the responsibility of working full time. It was during this time period that I first heard the words "you have basal cell carcinoma." I had a small bump on my right temple that the dermatologist really didn't think was anything; but it was. My dermatologist excised the bump and sent it to the lab, only to find out it was indeed skin cancer: but, according to him "if you have to have a form of cancer, basal cell was the type to have." Without really thinking about it, I had become a statistic again.

I had to go into his office to have the skin, around where the bump had been, excised so that all of the skin had clean borders with no cancer cells. I remember lying on my side, in the doctors office as he did his job-it didn't hurt but I could feel liquid running down the side of my face (blood). I also remembered the look on my best friend's face when they brought me to the waiting room--a big bandage on the side of my face. I ended up with a scar a little over an inch long, on my temple. I also ended up with an out of pocket bill that was a bit more than I could handle. Unfortunately, this doctor had no patience or empathy about a single mother;and after a couple of months of my not being able to pay that portion (insurance had paid theirs), my dermatologist sent me a nasty note saying that I could no longer be his patient and my file would be removed from his active patients. This single act alone led to me not going for yearly follow-ups, as I was supposed to, to make sure there were no more recurrences.

Fast forward ten years to 2010. My babies are now amazing young men who are very protective and supportive of me. My career has led to an amazing position with the Bangor Daily News- a company that feels like family. As it turns out, I found out that not only did the BDN feel like family; but I HAD family working there. I have a cousin who works there, Judy, who has two sisters, Angela and Heather. For the first time since I was 18 years old, I have female blood relatives! In talking about how the realization had been made, with a friend of mine, it turned out that that friend, Tanya was also our cousin! My dream of having extended family has been realized this year. Also, a long lost family treasure-a picture of my grandmother interviewing Walt Disney, was also found at the BDN about a month ago. I couldn't be happier with all of the findings that the BDN librarian has led me to. So many things I had dreamed of and wished for were coming to fruition.

Each morning when getting ready for work, I was keenly aware of some areas on my face that I was uncomfortable with. I have a bit of a dry skin patch on the tip of my nose, a couple little bumps on my right cheek, and I had been watching a little flat risen area on my forehead. I finally picked up the phone and called my primary care provider for a referral. After examining them, she thought they were "nothing" but gave me the referral to a local dermatologist (other than my first one) whom she had heard very good things about. The appointment was scheduled-for six weeks later.

Dr. P, my new dermatologist came into the examining room with two cameras around his neck. He was very nice, as well as very thorough. I pointed out my areas of concern and told him my basal cell history as I remembered it. He very thoroughly looked at every area of my skin, with a bright light in hand. From the top of my scalp to between my toes and the bottom of my feet, there wasn't an area of skin not examined. Upon completion, he told me everything looked good, except for that raised area on my forehead. He was quite sure it was basal cell carcinoma because it had the tell tale sign of it's own little blood vessels. I couldn't see them with the naked eye; but he took pictures, one close up shot that had a direct light onto it, and sure enough, the weave of little blood vessels was clearly visible. If you look at this image of basal cell carcinoma, you will see exactly the type of blood vessels he showed me (I am in hopes to be able to add the images of my own cancer to this blog in the near future but a stock photo will have to do for now).

The sinking feeling hit my gut, just as one always feels when they get bad news. He went on to explain I would have to have it removed by a plastic surgeon because it was so close to my right eyebrow. However, he needed to take a piece of it to have it biopsied to have a definitive diagnosis. Down on the table I had to lie while he anesthetized my forehead (not fun with no body fat for the needle or local to go into). He then took a small piece that looked like a hole punch out of the middle of the suspicious area. A band-aid was then applied that I would have to wear for the next three days. When I asked how long before I would know for sure, he told me ten days. As I left the office and proceeded with my day, I knew without a doubt that the next defining moment in my life was upon me. One can't hide a skin cancer on the forehead, especially with fine blond hair. The surgery wasn't going to be simple as my first episode had been; and with the recurrence of basal cell, I knew I had to be diligent about protecting my skin from sun exposure from here on out. Tanned skin was out, fair skin was in.

Yesterday afternoon, 4 business days after the surgery, I received a message from Dr. P. himself. He wanted to know what time would be best for him to get in touch with me and best phone number, as he wanted to discuss the results of my biopsy. I knew then that his suspicion was correct-it was indeed another episode of skin cancer. Now a few things are on my agenda....a consult with the plastic surgeon to see HOW he would remove it (can it be closed on it's own, would it need a skin flap, would it need piece of skin from another area of my body to close the hole?), the surgery itself, AND, to get the word out about the most common form of cancer in the United States. It may be common; but it can be extremely disfiguring and thus very scary. I am not sure what the following months will bring; but I can assure you this. I will share the details for you, for your loved ones, and for anyone who happens upon this blog so that hopefully the world of "tan is in" will start to change to "sun damage is not cool, protect your skin!" I am not going to spend a lot of time editing, I'm just going to write and post so that none of the path I am now traveling on will be missed.

Please, don't forget your sunscreen today!