Gut Reactions

When one gets a dose of reality, there usually is a different perspective on life that results.  My dose of reality is that my skin cancer is back; and this time the surgery isn't going to be simple.  The appointment with the plastic surgeon has been moved up one day to Wednesday, April 28th at 9 a.m. I'll be glad to have the appointment out of the way and know what we are looking at for the surgery.  With my skin cancer recurrence, I look at other areas on my face and wonder what is next...my cheek? Nose? Chin? From what I have heard, if you have recurrent Basal Cell Carcinoma, it is likely to continue to recur.  Will my face eventually become a mass of skin cancer scars?  I certainly hope not.

My gut reactions in life have truly changed since starting this blog, since my skin cancer returned.  Last night a friend was tagged with photos on facebook from their trip to the Caribbean.  As I looked through the photos of my blond haired blue eyed lifelong friend, burnt to a tan, blond hair glowing, I felt sick to my stomach.  I wanted to scream "DON'T DO IT!" "Burns are not worth it!" Will looking 'good' by burning your skin now make up for how destructive skin cancer will be later on? Here are some skin factor facts from the American Cancer Society.  I am certainly hoping this friend reads my blog and realizes that she wants to keep her beautiful face in one piece; and that she wants to be around to raise her young children.  Why chance fate?  Both she and I certainly got enough skin damage growing up, sans sunscreen.

I had the opportunity to take my youngest son, Logan, to see the Broadway production of CATS that was on tour.  Logan is fifteen years old and theater is his passion.  He has acted, been back stage, done the sound and most often is the light board operator for the local theater's productions.  While many of my friends' husbands were begging to go home, Logan was taking the whole show in with amazement.  After the show, Logan and I went through the local Taco Bell drive thru for some "cheesy double beef burritos"....all three of my growing boys' favorite cheap fast food.  I decided to have fun at the drive thru and added multiple cheesy and beef amounts such as "6 double cheesy triple beef cheese burritos"....followed by ordering the most difficult item I could quickly see with of course, having fun with being unable to pronounce the "Salsa.....totada....bodata" or something like that.  Logan burst into laughter and kept giggling as we were driving off with our food.  I asked him why he was still giggling and he said "I just didn't ever picture you pulling pranks"....WOW...what a huge gut reaction for me!  I've been so busy being "mom", and "dad" and "provider" and "nurse" and "disciplinarian" that my boys don't know that "Dawn" can get a room into tears from laughter, and does so often.  I've vowed that my guys are going to get to know "Dawn" and feel badly that they haven't already because I've been so busy taking on all the other roles in their lives!

In the midst of all that is going on, life does go on; and as a single woman, that sometimes means "dating" might be on the agenda.  Prior to my appointment with Dr. Prokop I had started talking to a gentleman online. When I found out the skin cancer had returned, I felt like I needed to let this guy know that this probably wasn't going to be the best time for me to get to know someone. Besides the fact that was under more stress than usual, the prospect of what this surgery might entail seems like a not so fun thing to become involved in if you don't have to.  So, I sent this gentleman a note telling him such, with a link to this blog.  I told him I'd understand if he didn't want to continue to get to know each other at this point.  I expected his gut reaction would be to run.  Much to my surprise, he told me he first of all was sorry to see what I was going through; but secondly of course he wanted to continue to get to know me and to let him know if he could help out in any way.  We proceeded to schedule our first date (the picture from the mountain top that he drove me to-where most other vehicles dare not go) is at the top of this entry.  We've had multiple dates since and it's very comforting to know that I have someone else in my corner ....Thanks B!

Thanks for reading my blog, friends, and please, remember to use your sunscreen, today!